you can't breath because you're holding everything in.
life seems heavier because you can't tell anyone what's wrong.
haven't you had enough with 'nah.. i'm fine' and 'nothing, never mind..'?
well, the hell with it.
you're not going to read this anyway.
even if you do, i know you won't do anything about it.
Thursday, December 5, 2013
#5
mumbled by wiydiy at Thursday, December 05, 2013 0 mumbling(s)
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
see you soon
when i first made this blog, i intended this blog to be a place where i can share my stories, my thoughts, my interests, and my unimportant tidbits. well, basically everything. this blog was also meant to keep me practicing writing. more importantly, this blog was made for me to be honest with myself.
as time goes by, i always try to find excuses to deny my feelings-- instead of being honest about it so then i decided not to write them down.
but i guess it's not too late to start again. :)
so see you soon :)
mumbled by wiydiy at Tuesday, October 15, 2013 0 mumbling(s)
Sunday, October 13, 2013
#4
"you know what? i was so touched when she said that she was worried of me.. she said i should take a good care of myself.."
"yeah, you really should."
"and she told me, that she'd be ready, anytime i need her."
"okay.."
"isn't she nice?"
"she really is."
"what's wrong with you? you seem so cold."
"nothing, never mind."
"oh come on.. tell me.."
"i did that to you.. well, in fact, i still do."
"do what?"
"telling you to take care of yourself. actually, i take care of you most of the time."
"of course you do.."
"but you never seem to appreciate it.."
"umm.."
"what?"
"that's the thing. i never feel like i need to work or fight for you. because you're always there for me."
"is that a bad thing?"
"depends. but i know that i can take you for granted. you'll still be there, anyway."
"..."
"it's like the quote from your favorite crappy tv show, right?"
"hm?"
"you once quoted to me 'you can always go back to your soulmate, that's what makes them a soulmate'. true, right?"
"..."
"i know i can always go back to you."
mumbled by wiydiy at Sunday, October 13, 2013 2 mumbling(s)
Sunday, October 28, 2012
#3
aku mungkin bukan penyihir kata,
mumbled by wiydiy at Sunday, October 28, 2012 0 mumbling(s)
bintang dan matahari
ada dua benda langit yang selalu aku suka. bintang dan matahari.
bintang, jelas, bapak ibuku yang menaruh bintang dalam namaku, dan sejak aku mengerti arti namaku, maka sejak itu bintang menjadi benda langit kesukaanku.
kemudian matahari. kenapa matahari? ya, setelah kupelajari ternyata matahari juga bintang.., hanya saja ia lebih besar, lebih terang. hmm ya, matahari adalah juga bintang. tentu saja aku suka. terlebih lagi, matahari itu hangat.
lalu aku kadang menyesalkan hangatnya matahari, karena bila tak ada awan yang menemani, ia menjadi terlalu hangat, panas membakar. juga sinarnya, menyilaukan mata. bila seperti itu, aku berharap biar saja langit tertutup awan gelap yang menumpahkan hujan, sehingga matahari tidak tampak lagi.
tapi itu hanya sesaat saja. bahkan ketika hujan belum turun, aku sudah merindukan matahari. merindukan sinarnya, merindukan hangatnya. rasa-rasanya aku ingin menghabiskan waktuku ditemani matahari. sampai kemudian senja menjemputnya pulang. kemudian gelap.
aku benci gelap. aku suka cerah, aku suka terang. saat gelap, aku mau matahari. aku rasa aku butuh matahari.
kemudian bintang berkelip. mungkin sinarnya tidak secerah matahari, juga tidak terasa hangatnya. namun kelap-kelipnya juga bisa menenangkan hati.
aku pun tertawa getir, untuk apa aku ingin menghabiskan semua waktuku dengan matahari? ketika gelap pun masih ada bintang terangi aku.
dan aku tersadar..,
pastilah Tuhan memiliki maksud kenapa ada bintang dan matahari. masing-masing dengan perannya sendiri.
matahari penerang hari.
bintang penenang malam.
setidaknya itu yang aku coba pahami sekarang. dan aku tentu tidak bisa memaksakan matahari dan bintang untuk bisa bersamaan. mungkin bukan mustahil, tapi kurasa itu akan terjadi saat hari akhir datang. entahlah.
lagipula juga setelahnya kusadari, aku tidak akan mungkin kehilangan matahari.
sekalipun ia dijemput senja, saat fajar turun ia pun akan kembali datang.
aku akan kembali merasakan terangnya, hangatnya. meskipun kadang rasanya menyiksa.
dan lagi, bukankah matahari adalah juga bintang?
..maka mentari, biar bagaimanapun, kamu akan selalu jadi bagian dariku.
mumbled by wiydiy at Sunday, October 28, 2012 0 mumbling(s)
Sunday, June 3, 2012
#2
"i miss you"
mumbled by wiydiy at Sunday, June 03, 2012 2 mumbling(s)
Monday, May 14, 2012
bahagiamu
mungkin kita terbiasa berbincang dalam diam, hingga kali ini bising rasanya.
mungkin kita terbiasa menatap dalam gelap, hingga kali ini silau rasanya.
ingin menyingkir sejauh langkah kaki membawamu,
dan mengaburkan pandangan sehingga tak lagi kamu bisa melihatku
kamu pergi, lenyap, tertelan lubang hitam di langit. tak terdengar sayup kabarmu.
namun tiada setitikpun sesal atas pergimu.
karena dalam jeda ketiadaanmu, masih namamu yang terucap di tiap doa.
namamu. dan bahagiamu.
mumbled by wiydiy at Monday, May 14, 2012 1 mumbling(s)
Friday, April 20, 2012
certain smell of loneliness
ada dua hal yang membawa aroma kesepian untukku. yang pertama, aroma tanah basah seusai hujan. dan aroma dari sinar matahari yang memenuhi ruangan.
meskipun terdengar aneh, tapi ya, kesepian punya aroma tertentu untukku. mungkin bukan hanya aroma, tapi hal-hal lain besertanya. karena ketika kamu menghirup aroma kesepian ini, kemudian segalanya terasa dingin, penuh sesak tak ada ruang, dan kamu ingin segera lepas darinya.
dan untukku, entah ketika aku sedang sendiri ataupun sedang menghabiskan waktu dengan orang lain, ketika aroma ini masuk menyergap ke ruangan, seketika semua terasa hening. hening yang menyesakkan.
lalu aku pejamkan mata. menghela nafas dalam. meresapi hening itu.
berharap untuk hal baik untuk terjadi sebentar lagi.
:)
mumbled by wiydiy at Friday, April 20, 2012 2 mumbling(s)
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
after graduation
semenjak kelulusan, gue jadi mudah kangen. apa-apa dikangenin.
real life is hard. it is the survival of the fittest.
am i strong enough? am i capable enough?
guess i'll just keep my fingers crossed and do my best. wish me luck! :)
mumbled by wiydiy at Tuesday, April 03, 2012 0 mumbling(s)
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
#1
don't ask for easy life. instead, ask for more strength. just so you'll be strong enough to get through the life's scenario that Allah has written for you. for if you're strong, you'll be able to enjoy and cherish every single moment.
mumbled by wiydiy at Tuesday, February 28, 2012 0 mumbling(s)
hujan dan kabar gembira
mumbled by wiydiy at Tuesday, February 28, 2012 0 mumbling(s)
Sunday, February 26, 2012
a happy place
some people say, happiness is a state of mind.
mumbled by wiydiy at Sunday, February 26, 2012 0 mumbling(s)
Saturday, February 25, 2012
i miss you, hey dear old-self.
mumbled by wiydiy at Saturday, February 25, 2012 2 mumbling(s)
Friday, February 3, 2012
hello (again)
*cleaning up the dust on my blog*
does anyone still read this? i wonder.
well, my bad. i've been abandoning this blog for almost 2 years. and yes, as you predicted, i have lots of excuses. but mainly, i overthink about what people would say about my writings. some things happened in the past held me back from writing what i was really feeling. i kind of hated myself back then for not being able to be honest about what i feel. but now i made amend with myself, that from now on i will try to write as honest as i can.
here's some update:
- i am now no longer a college student! i finally succeeded to defend my undergraduate thesis after the first failed attempt (more on that later). the graduation ceremony will be held in 2 weeks. i get a mixed up feeling about this. hm, i feel relieved, of course. after 1.5 years of ups and downs spent to finish my undergraduate thesis, at last i graduate! then reality hits hard! i have to look for a job, make a living (although i still live with my parents). can i make it through?
- relationship-wise, hmm, i am still single. had some crushes but then it just didn't happen. and currently seeing no one (!). looking for a serious yet fun relationship now (who am i kidding? it's like i'm writing for a matchmaker haha)
at first i thought i had a lot to update, but i guess that's all~
see you in my next post! :)
mumbled by wiydiy at Friday, February 03, 2012 2 mumbling(s)
Sunday, June 6, 2010
just stop.
see, i don't want to wonder anymore about what you're thinking, what you're doing, or who you're doing it with. you were right, i need to move on. but i don't know if i can, unless you just stop.
stop what? i'm sorry i called. i'm sorry i keep talking to you. i'm trying to get better. what else can i do?
why don't you just stop. stop making me so crazy!
stop being so paranoid!
stop telling me what to do!
stop wasting your life on stupid things!
stop making me want your approval!
stop always being there when i need you..
(Cappie and Casey, Greek TV Series)
may be we both need to stop.
mumbled by wiydiy at Sunday, June 06, 2010 1 mumbling(s)